I know I always talk about "healing your relationship with food," but what the heck does a "messed-up" relationship with food even look like?
Well to start off, what is the definition of a “good relationship with food?” According to the intuitive eating founders, a good relationship with food is being able to incorporate whatever foods to satisfy in accordance with appetite cues without feelings of guilt or having an ethical dilemma. This situation could look like going out to eat at a restaurant and ordering what sounds good and eating to your content without having to compare your plate to someone else’s at the table which may influence your food choices and/or intake.
What are signs that your relationship with food is messed up?
Signs your relationship with food is messed up may include:
Avoiding foods high in fat, sugar, and calories
Having off-limit foods
Having food rules (i.e. only eating dessert after eating your veggies, only eating x if you y)
Chronic dieting
Not allowing foods you crave
Getting upset with yourself for eating something deemed "unhealthy"
Eating for emotional vs physical reasons (lonely, bored, stressed)
Not trusting or registering internal appetite cues
Motivation to eat by external factors (exercise, cost, food waste)
Lacking body-food choice congruence (hardly ever eating nutrient-dense foods and/or foods to support your body)
If you resonate with any of these signs then you're not alone. I even struggled with every point I listed above. Now, I never had an eating disorder, but I definitely had disordered eating behaviors and maybe you can relate? The reason your relationship with food might be messed up in the first place may stem from a few areas: lack of nutrition education, easy access to health misinformation (fitfluencers, celebrities, quacks), a parent had dieted, weight teasing, ideal body image promotion, the list goes on.
Interestingly enough, my disordered eating behaviors came during high school when I was more impressionable as I came of age. For example, growing up, three meals + snacks were a consistent schedule including family dinner at the table, no foods were off limits (you should’ve seen the snack cabinet and soda fridge lol), there was no pressure to diet, and exercise was for fun! And when my weight was commented on by a family member when I was a teen, my parent shut down any need to have to change my body, provided me with compassion and kept encouraging me to eat- Skipping meals was an absolute no. Unfortunately, it was that same weight comment that changed the trajectory of my eating into the disordered zone for the rest of my early adulthood...
How has your relationship with food influenced your "eating personality?"
Instead of normal eating, aka intuitive eating, your eating personality may have evolved into:
The Clean Eater
Spends hours in the grocery store inspecting and overthinking food labels
At restaurants, asks the server about the ingredients and preparation methods of foods (not including for food allergy concerns)
Spends hours meal planning and worried about the next meal and snack to eat though not “on a diet”
Eats clean on the weekdays to splurge on the weekends
The Chronic Dieter
Constantly on a diet or food plan
Knows portion sizes, calorie content of food, and diet “hacks”
Food choices are guided by the desire to lose weight “in the name of health”
Often says “diet starts tomorrow” or constantly starts over next week or season
The Unconscious Eater (4 types)
Chaotic
Has an overscheduled, busy life with a long to-do list
Doesn’t take time to plan out meals and often eats on the go
Nutrition is put on the back burner “until you have time”
Don’t register feelings of hunger until either ravenous or blunted hunger
Refuse-not
Snacks on food regardless of hunger
Reaches for food just because it's out in the open
Grazes on food absentmindedly without realizing how much is eaten
Finds refusing food difficult while attending food-centered events
Waste-not
Values the dollar of food and usually gets large sizes of food just because there is more "bang for your buck"
Feels the need to finish their plate
Feels the need to finish other’s plates
Events like buffets, "bottomless," and free food opportunities are difficult as you want to maximize the dollars spent
Emotional
Uses food as the predominant way to handle emotions
Eats away at emotions and is amplified when alone
Self-blames for eating as the problem of the emotions when there is actually a bigger problem/issue that is the root cause
Tends to grab a piece of candy or binge-eat large quantities of food
For me, my eating personality took the form of a “clean eater” compared to a “chronic dieter” because of the protection my parent provided me with against fad dieting. However, towards the end of my diet culture era, weight loss dieting was starting to cycle. I’ve had some emotional eating but chaotic, refuse not, or waste not personalities were limited. What do you think your eating personality is? Do you have more than one personality that dominates?
How to move towards food freedom:
What you need to do to start healing your relationship with food is to:
Stop dieting
Start honoring hunger before getting ravenous (perhaps planning out your meals for the week can provide relief for this. And planning doesn't mean to meal prep- You can plan what foods to Doordash, too!)
Make peace with your trigger foods by incorporating them into meals and snacks to make them less scary
Challenge old diet culture beliefs- There are no good or bad foods!
Eat foods that satisfy you including taste, sight, sound, texture, temperature, volume- The whole shebang!
Feel your fullness and respect it more often while understanding that food tastes great and we occasionally overshoot- You're fine!
Cope with your emotions with kindness and find other things to cope with besides food
Take care of yourself no matter your body size! Stop the negative body talk and respect your body as is.
Find movement that feels good to you and that you enjoy
Honor your health with gentle nutrition like adding fiber to meals to aid digestion or asking yourself if you want your simple sugar intake coming from x or y, some of both, or neither when the opportunity occurs.
Listen, I am so proud of myself for having accomplished food freedom and I am never looking back. Living life in the constant pursuit of weight loss and being afraid of ingredients is not how I wanted to live the rest of my life. Ditching diet culture may seem like having to move a mountain, but just chip away day by day and seek help if you feel like this is too much for you on your own. Good luck on your journey!
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